March 12, 2011
Written By: Man - 32 - Straight - Chicago, USA
Classic story. Boy meets bitch while sober with only the intention of taking in some eye candy and a little flirting. Boy drinks for several hours with bitch that can clearly handle her liquor. Boy tests to see if he can take her home. Bitch is down and agrees. Fcking ensues.
So, this is where the important part of the story begins. After fcking three times and closing it down for the night, this crazed bitch then proceeds to tell me, “You should probably know that I’m not on The Pill. I don’t trust all that hormone shit.”
To which I reply: “WHAT? What the FCK are you talking about?? Then why the FCK were you screaming for me to cum inside you and ‘don’t pull out’? What was that shit about?”
She then proceeds to tell me about her Catholic beliefs and some bullshit like that. Listen people, I’m not a Catholic basher, or an atheist for that matter, but damn it, that wasn’t the fcking time to talk theology and morality. She actually told me she was against birth control. WHAT?? And she was fcking serious!!!
DID YOU MUTHERFCKERS JUST READ WHAT I WROTE??? Her CATHOLIC morals?? I was fcking sick. Apparently, according to her “beliefs” fcking a guy she met while smoking outside a bar and fcking him without a condom is cool… but birth control… that’s some bullshit.
I know what some of you may be thinking: “Bro, why the fck don’t you have condoms at your place?? Are you insane?? And even worse, why the hell would you raw dog some dumb bitch you met outside a bar having a cigarette?? Sounds pretty stupid to me.”
Well, that’s an easy question to answer:
(1) She was really hot. Not some bullshit you tell your guy friends “hot”, no, she was actually and truly hot. Turns out she was having a shit day and just needed to get out after work (it was about 9:30 p.m.).
(2) I had a girlfriend and her spiritual beliefs didn’t prevent her from using the fucking Pill or birth control.
That’s why I didn’t have any fcking condoms. I didn’t usually fck random bitches I met in bars either. But I was drinking and the little head told me: “How often do you get to fck chicks like THIS? You better ask somebody!”
So, in the morning, I have to spend two fcking hours on my hands and knees begging this dumb bitch to take the Morning After Pill. Then she throws ANOTHER shocker. She tells me how she’s alone and lonely and wishes she had a baby and doesn’t give a fck who the father is. We are both now dead sober, so it’s just getting worse for me, hangover included. It took all my strength to keep from slapping this bitch up and down the street. But I kept my cool (cause you can’t be slapping these hoes, no matter how dumb they are). But you can bet your ass that I made sure to keep her around the whole day to make sure she took that shit.
Needless to say, after that, I realized I had a bit of a problem with alcohol. I stopped drinking and my life became better. I also realized that I had a woman at home that I didn’t deserve. She was better than me, in every way. Can’t tell you how ashamed I became. This loving woman was putting up with a worthless loser, and that asshole was me. Since then, I’ve cleaned up the ugly parts of my life and make it up to her every single day: cooking, cleaning, laundry, surprises, give her the personal space she needs (no questions asked), etc. I owe it to her. She doesn’t know it but I’ll be paying back my debt to her for the rest of my life. And I’m proud to do so.
How fcking stupid was I??
And HELL NO, I didn’t confess this shit. Are you FCKING crazy?